They say the juice is worth the squeeze but what if the juice gives you gnarly indigestion?
I am not sure how I got here in the first place but I can't help but think it has something to do with all those years I told God I was going to remunerate for my sins, you know the ones where I told the priest I secretly wanted to violently slap my little brother for getting all the attention from my parents, or the sins where I was too "vain" when in actuality it was the instigation of a still slighted self-esteem. Not sure what "making my bed" did to cancel out those two.
The past 6 months have been heavy, very alone and staggeringly educational.
I have learned to A. live on my own B. take care of another creature other than myself. C. utilize public transportation in Los Angeles to my advantage. and D. Use a rice cooker for making one meal to last through the week.
Don't get me wrong I am grateful for all of these things, but at what cost? In the midst of all the manifestations I have turned a new shade of Jade and found myself dreaming of pulling a Polanski in the middle of a day on a danm Tuesday.
In conjunction, there is an Aha moment attached that came to me late last night during a night out in Hollywood, sobriety being at the forefront of the night, in the form of a performance by these people...
I think my eyeballs fell out of my ass during their performance, they had already reached my lungs when I passed by their bottle service table earlier in the night but this just took it to another level.
I wanted to stand at the top of the fake, misplaced balcony and yell, YOU GUYS STOOD IN LINE FOR THIS. THERE ARE PEOPLE IN OTHER CONTINENTS THAT STAND IN LINE FOR HOURS TO GET 1/2 CUP OF RICE AND YOU STOOD IN LINE TO HEAR THESE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT BITCHES AND HOEZ.
I did not. In fact, I continued on my merry way once they left because, frankly, in all the times of my life I have wished for material things; for Ipads, long legs and Givenchy baubles, I realized that there is one thing you CAN take with you to your grave, and that is your perception, because with it, half of you would never be in that line to begin with.